


It’s your summertime magic

by burnthewicked



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fuck Canon I Do What I Want, I edit my chapters a lot (sorry), M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2020-04-23 06:23:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19145344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burnthewicked/pseuds/burnthewicked
Summary: Leah and Angela discover how warm can love be once you learn how to keep summer in your heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story is pretty different from canon, mostly because I’m trying to write a story free from Smeyer’s racist, and mysogynistic stereotypes, more specifically but not limited to all the shit she makes native women go through. For example, here Sam never attacked Emily. Also Bella was transformed after fight with the newborns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this au, Bella was transformed into a vampire after the fight with the newborns, Bree Tanner is alive and is part of the Cullen´s family, and Sam never hurt Emily. S. Meyer used a lot of racist and mysogynistic tropes and to write the characters, and it was even more evident with the indigenous characters. I am not from The Quileute Tribe, and no matter how much research I do, I can make mistakes and fall into writing stereotypes. If I do, please I encourage you to correct me, the least I would want is to keep perpetuating stereotypes that are already making Quileute people´s lives hard because of this books series.  
> A lot of things are different from canon and I will mention them as we go on.
> 
> (chapter edited on october 11,2019)

**LEAH**

 I hate having to share my thoughts with a pack of horny teenagers, my brother, and _my ex-fiancé._ What the fuck, what kind of messed up karma god shuffled my cards like that and said, “yeah this is fine”?  I know I complain a lot and they hear it enough, but it still does not feel like they understand the magnitude of the injustice of the situation. Being a wolf is the best thing ever; fuck, I run for hours and I have never felt as strong never been as strong, but the price is too high. Some members of the pack don’t care about privacy; probably because they are all men and don’t feel like they’re exposed. Well, it’s tiring to hear them hate me.

 I had my ways to make them as uncomfortable as I felt, one of them is by mostly going around topless. Everyone in the pack walks around in shorts and no shirt on, so yeah why the fuck not me? Nobody noticed for weeks, which was fine, it got to me eventually, though. Jacob was the first one who saw me, and he got so red and angry that it made me bend with laughter. I really thought he was going to have a stroke or something.

“LEAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? PEOPLE WILL THINK THIS IS A NUDIST BEACH! WHAT THE- COVER UP COVER UP!”

“All of you walk around with your titties out, it’s no different,” I answered breathless after I could talk.

“IT’S NOT THE SAME THING YOU ARE-“

“A girl? Yes, I am, and it’s hot so excuse me.”

The screaming got everyone’s attention, and after a lot of more screaming, cursing, and someone getting a boner (gross), we found middle ground. Bras were the limit; I could live with that. I had created a bit havoc, and that was enough for me.

Yeah, I had some fun, but the fun to misery ratio is 1-9. The price I paid for lycanthropy was the privacy of growth, learning from my mistakes and being able to scold myself with no witnesses, and my dad, but I don’t like thinking about that last one.

I didn’t get to come out to myself, I was yanked out of a closet I didn’t know existed. I didn’t even understand what was happening until Seth mentioned it. Red faced, ashamed and confused I heard my little brother casually mention _I_ was a lesbian in front of the pack.

 The worst part was it wasn’t a malicious remark. We were playing soccer at the beach when the teasing started. Embry had met a girl, and everyone kept making bets about who she was since we would eventually find out once we turned at the same time.

“I´d rather bite my arm off than date a man,” I joked. I liked making misandrist remarks as another way to bother them. Quil had once bitterly asked me why I hadn’t already killed everyone in the pack if I hated men that much. “Hey that’s actually an excellent idea,” was my answer and I so happened to be chopping wood, so it looked way more threatening than what I intended.

 

“Well yeah, Leah, that´s how lesbians are,” was Seth´s response to my bite my arm off comment.

 _Jesus_. Seth is an angel, but he doesn’t have a verbal filter. There have been several times where he has ratted me out to our parents without meaning to. Well now he does not understand the mess he just created. Yeah, he has a heart of gold that holds no prejudice, but the rest of the pack? This is the cherry that tops the cake. Looking back at it, I could’ve just played it off as a joke. I could’ve laughed and punched Seth on the arm and let it go. The thing is some small voice within me rejoiced and said, “Finally someone said the word I was missing.”

Of course, I didn’t quite believe it just yet. I did not see it as a part of who I was, even less in that moment with all the guys around me giving me no space to think _._ It didn’t seem possible. I _was_ _not_ a lesbian. I cried and cried and cried when Sam left me. For my own _cousin_ , god damn it. Yeah yeah sure it wasn’t his fault and yada yada. Who could blame me for crying? In fact, why am I being shamed for crying? All these people are always complaining about me being melodramatic. I had felt as if I had a boulder in my chest, _then my father´s death_ \- no.

I’d rather not think about it.

How was I supposed to be a lesbian when this man made me feel so much pain?

_Because he was your shield from the truth._

Was Sam my shield? Fuck, he _was_ my beard, my disguise. Looking back at it, what was it that I felt? That wasn’t heartbreak, it was pure terror. Sam was my ticket to happiness. We were together and meant to be, we were going to get married and have a couple of children. I did not completely satisfy me, but it made me feel safe.

As soon as Seth says that the whole pack erupts with laughter. Even Sam, he tries to get serious as soon as he laughs but I saw him. It is not the laugh of someone who enjoys a joke, you can hear the cruelty here. _Of course_ , the only female shapeshifter, the bitter, the angry, the hateful; of course, the mean woman had to be a lesbian. For fuck’s sake.

I transform and it feels like a reminder of how much of a freak I am and run towards the woods. Seth tries to run after me, but Sam stops him, which makes me feel even angrier. Oh Sam, the wise, he knows me better than anyone right? He knows what I need. Fuck you Sam, fuck all of you.

I run, aware of the smell of summer- which is damp leaves and dirt-, aware of the choking feeling on my throat; it feels like an eternity. I run beyond human (and werewolf) limits. I run and my legs hurt and hurt and hurt.

My body aches so much that I pass out once I go back to human. I become smaller and for some reason I look up. There is a cloud shaped like a carrot.  I see an ocean of trees around me before I hit the ground.

 

 

I think I fell on moss, because the ground feels soft. Thank god I did not fall on a twigs, once I got a splinter on my ass cheek and I couldn’t sit for a while.

My neck hurts. It’s funny how from everything that could hurt right now, my neck is the most affected. I move my head to the left, so that I can look up and stop straining my neck muscles, feeling like hell as I do it. I open my eyes and the sky is purplish blue. The sun is about to come out.

I feel my hands, my arms. I move my toes and them my feet. I stretch my whole body as if I was waking up from a nap.

Ok I take it back I should’ve not done that.

Where am I?

Far. That I know.

I don’t want to go back. This is it.

Enough humiliation.

I was left like I was nothing, I was rejected when I transformed as if I didn’t deserve that gift, like the other ones did earn it somehow. My dad died and _still_ they couldn’t take me in even though I ached for it. Isn´t the point of a pack to share strength and be united? I had to share my deepest thoughts with a group of men that have no respect for me. I deserve to be mad; I deserve to be appreciated for the woman that I am.

Jacob was in love with a girl who hanged out with vampires, why am the one that gets shit from them? And talking about that crazy white girl, as much as I dislike

 her, I admire her determination. Yeah, she wanted to be undead but- she didn’t let anything intimidate her. Bella had set her mind on immortality and now she _has_ it. Sometimes I see her running and it makes me long the happiness she exudes. The woman is just pure joy.

Of course I would never let her know that.

 

So, I roam around for a while.

A month maybe. I left when summer had just started. Or at least my summer. High school is over. I didn’t have any plans on going to college. it’s not like I have any unfinished business.

I stay a wolf for the most part. I only go back to being human when I want to swim in some ponds I find along the way (there’s more than you think). My clothes were destroyed when I transformed as I left so now it is just me naked in the wild. I hate eating animals, so I eat just enough to survive. I am so used to being bombarded by everyone´s thoughts that right now I feel lonelier than alone. It´s me, my thoughts, the crickets and the cicadas.

What do I do? Leave the pack? Just never go back? It is tempting. Run and run, and who knows, maybe somewhere where I could be something more than Sam´s leftovers.

I love Sam. Maybe not the way I thought I did, but I love him with all my heart. Sam Uley is family. If he could stop with the fucking self-pity and understand that if he only talked to me, I would forgive him. How can someone have access to all your thoughts and still be clueless? Him leaving me for Emily was not as painful as the way he ignored me and chose to not discuss what happened. He told me about imprinting, but he did it the same way you give a kid a sex ed class, he tried to distance himself from the situation like it didn’t involve him. Emily did talk to me. She rejected him the first time, but her heart had another idea. She asked me for permission, she tried to put into words the fucked-up situation the three of us were in.

I adored Emily before, but now I appreciated her even more. She was there when my dad passed. She stayed in my house for a month.

And Sam?

Sam kept living. He didn’t call me to see how I was doing. I needed him as a friend, I needed him as the best friend he was before we started dating. He knew me better than anyone else, even Emily, because phasing was a whole other deal that you kind of needed to experience to understand. We were each other’s first time, and for me, that’s as intimate as it gets.

Sam will not listen, and I can’t do anything about it.

It´s true I could stay away, but I miss Seth and mom. I don’t really think I would be really happy without them. Fuck I didn’t even say goodbye to my mom. She must be heartbroken. I hope Seth talked to her. Tell her what happened.

Do they miss me? Did they put ads about my disappearance?

I see Rosalie Hale once. I am in human form and by default, naked. I have no shame; not like I care what she thinks. Her face is in covered in blood and I can smell it clearly, it is human. She has broken the treaty. I should attack her, kill her, but something stops me, something about her body language and her expression. I stop and _look_ at her. We stare at each other for a long time until I transform and leave.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of death.

**LEAH**

Once I´m back, it is less hot and it’s clear that during the night it gets breezy. Maybe I was gone for longer than a month. Maybe it’s just climate change.

Home is empty, which is good for me. It sounds greedy for me to say I need time to collect my thought when I spent weeks in the woods, but I´m not ready to face my family. I´ve missed them so much, still, I´m scared. I have not spoken a word since I left, so I start warming up, so that I have a voice to explain myself to mom. The whole house is clean but my room, which is covered in a thin layer of dust; it´s quite comical, honestly, even after I ran away, the rule of everyone cleaning their own space applies.

After dad died, my house stopped feeling safe. Something told me I had brought a curse upon it once I phased. I haven´t felt like this in a while.

 My throat is closed, my chest is as heavy as ever, my heart just sinks to my stomach. _I did not kill my dad. I did not kill my dad._

I don’t want to cry anymore; I want to let go.

Maybe every time I’m away I lose my progress.

I run to the sink and wet my face with cold water. I am fine.

Mom made Seth and I see a therapist two months after dad died, she couldn’t help us grieve since she was grieving herself. It didn’t help that much, but I still appreciated it.

I couldn’t tell the woman the whole truth because most of my anger and guilt came from things that a white lady like her would not understand. Besides me feeling like I killed my dad, it was so fucked up of the universe to make us turn into animals, _beasts_. I remembered the people who called us savages, and how horrible it would be if they found out about lycanthropy. They would kill us all, take away the little bit of us that was left. So yeah, make the indigenous man a wolf, prove the white man´s word.

Doctor Ronald knew I was avoiding a big part of the story, still, she tried her best. Helped me not blame myself that much. Oh, and it was nice to have someone to complain about the Sam/Emily situation. I could scream and throw things against the wall, insult Sam all I wanted for being a dickhead. 10/10 for that one. I could not break stuff at my house without my mom pulling my ear.

Nobody blamed me, though. For my dad´s death, I mean. Not mom, not Seth. It is hard to let not feel like this, as if the guilt decided to become part of my personality, and who would I be if it left? What is it there of me that’s not tainted with those violent and depressing feelings? Only in times like this, when I’m consumed with my own suffering, I understand why the guys don’t want me near. I can´t deal with my own head, how must it feel for them to be bombarded by my edginess?

My home used to be sacred. Not anymore. I used to sneak out of my house at night and sleep in the forest. I was tormented by nightmares in my home. Nightmares when my dad died in front of me over and over again.

I hear the car outside. I smell the groceries, the watermelon and peaches, the fish. We used to get our fish from when our dad went fishing with Charlie Swan, and even though all of us know how to fish, it hurts too much to do it.

I know Seth smells me. I know because he screams and runs into the house faster than I have ever seen him run in human form. He doesn’t even wait for mom. He gives me a hug so that somehow reminds me of how lonely I was this past year and a half. He starts sobbing instantly and between sobs tells me how much he has missed me.

I missed him so much.

Mom walks in and Seth instantly moves away to let her get to me. Her eyes are filled with tears and when she’s in front of me she cups my face wit both her hands with such sweetness I start crying myself. She doesn’t hug me, not yet.

“My child, never do that to me again. My heart can´t take more pain,” she says, and then brings me into her arms that smell like that Victoria´s Secret splash they no longer make, “I love you so much.”

Only then Seth joins us for the hug and kisses me on the cheek. Yeah, this the only time this will happen in a long time. Seth set my favorite shoes on fire a couple years ago because I embarrassed him in front of a girl.

To be fair I did make him look like a dumbass. That was on me, I unleashed the chaotic that time.

Mom does not stop looking at me while she cooks. I set the table and sweep the floor a bit, more to make me feel at home than to clean. Seth is as chatty as always, telling me all the gossip I miss while he peels the potatoes. Apparently, Emily felt really guilty about me leaving, and it created problems between her and Sam. Quill kind of missed me, Jake was the most worried about me (which makes me feel a bit good, just a bit). Embry felt relieved since he didn’t have to deal with my remarks about his father. Fuck, that’s, messed up. Why did I ever start saying those things? Yeah, they were assholes to me, but that doesn’t mean I had to attack them the same way. I can be better. I have to be better.

Dinner is awkward at first until Seth burps really loud, causing mom to softly slap him on the back his neck. It is all laughs after that. They are really curious (borderline concerned) about my whereabouts this past month and a half. They don’t believe when I tell them the woods. Where else was I supposed to go, huh? Emily is my only friend at this point. I mostly did pack things once I phased. Jesus, when did I lose all my social life? I need to get out there, even if I don’t do a lot, just, socialize.

 

 

So, my routine changes. I run, read on top of trees, and swim. My family and I have not mentioned the reason why I left, but I am well aware. I am a lesbian, no question.

I am afraid to talk about it with mom. I will avoid that as much as I can.

 I look for books, about my history, about the legacy that people like me left. Lesbians are so erased from history it makes my job even harder. While I do that I discover the joy of academical research.

  _What a fucking nerd._

 Maybe I _should_ go to college.

After phasing, I used to cliff dive a lot with the gang, but I got tired of it really quick. There was nothing interesting on that 4 second of adrenaline rush, I was so used to it that it was no different that jumping into a kid’s pool.

I decide to go cliff diving, though. A week after coming back. Thanks to Seth, I know the pack is nowhere near where I will be, but that is as much information as I get.

I get to the cliff, the same Charlie Swan’s daughter jumped from trying to get some adrenaline high, and I jump.

I jump and for the first time ever, the cold water wakes me up. I wake up and instead of feeling the loneliness of the past months, I see it leave me. I´m not confused anymore, I want answers. What am I going to do with my life? Can I still belong to the pack? Did I ever belong there in the first place? I don’t know if I want to stay in La Push. It is _home,_ but it hurt so bad. Or maybe it’s not the place, it’s the circumstances. I open my eyes underwater and I’m not scared of the darkness around me. It’s a gloomy day. The cool water feels refreshing against my skin, and I got this infinity of an ocean to listen to me.

I swim to the shore not really caring about people because, people are never actually paying attention.

The beach is almost empty except for those late surfers and a group of teens having a picnic. A girl looks at me, as if she felt my stare. It is one of vampire chick’s friends, the cute one with the camera. We glance at each other, but right before she can do anything I run.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**LEAH**

There is an ice cream shop twenty minutes away from my house (walking distance) (at least werewolf walking distance).  There are actually a lot of ice cream shops in Forks, too many for a place that is constantly wet and cold. This is my favorite only because all the workers are teenagers as grumpy as me. They make my day with their indifference. This is where I first have a real conversation with Angela. It is also the first time I _notice_ Angela. Her shy smile, the camera hanging from her neck, the metal earrings that reflected the lightbulbs light. Apparently, she remembers me, too, because after seeing me, she walks my way and _hugs_ me. She is warm, like a home. Good hugger.

“Hey!” with a long y, right next to my ear, “Leah, right?”

It disorients me for a second, have I talked to this girl before? I am never greeted with this much enthusiasm. Angela pulls back just enough so that she can see my face making me notice I have to look _up_.

“You ran away from me the other day,” she continues, “did you go put on a sweater? It was freezing that day.”

“I don’t get cold easily,” I answer instantly. It is my usual excuse and I usually say it at least once a week. People need to mind their business, if they’re so cold why don’t they move to Florida or something. Angela half smiles at me. Now I notice, we are still physically close after the hug, both of Angela’s arms carelessly wrapped around my body, so of course I steps back. _Personal space._ Angela notices this but does not seem fazd by it.

“Are you doing anything now?” she asks right before licking her ice cream cone without breaking eye contact. Oh shit, is this flirting? Is this how lesbians flirt. Wait, I don’t even know if she’s gay.

“Yes, I have to-,” I stop myself because _I_ don’t have to do anything, what I need to do is to get a fucking life, “I’m free, actually, do you have anything in mind?”

“Well yes, I do, would you like to come shopping with me?”

“Oh…Where?”

“There’s a really nice thrift store a few towns over, my parents gave me the car for today, so the sky is limit,” she finishes with jazz hands, to emphasize.

_What?_

Why is she inviting me to go somewhere that’s kind of far, she barely knows me, in fact, this looks like some type of kidnaping situation. Maybe she just really likes me.

_You wish._

Fuck it. I nod at her, trying to smile but I don’t think I accomplish my goal.

We walk to her car, and, in a weird gentleman act, she opens the door for me. The car smells like the most basic car freshener, which is the black one in form of a pine. There is some garbage on the floor and a water bottle between the front seats.

“Seatbelt, please,” says Angela checking the rear-view mirror.

“Oh shit, my bad.”

I´m not even carrying a phone with me. Mom stop worrying about my safety once she got used to the idea of me being a wolf. Who is going to fucking kill me, huh? I used to be really scared of every aspect of the world. It´s a dangerous world for me. Well, not anymore; they try anything I’ll show them my teeth.

The water bottle is poking me in the leg, but right before I try move it, Angela asks me to pass it to her. She turns the engine on and takes a sip of the water.

“Are you close with Bella?”

I scoff, “Not really.”

Wait a minute, the Cullens are still in town. From what I know, they were supposed to leave once Swan´s daughter was turned. I saw the one with the pixie cut like less than a week ago. The girl has been a vampire for at least a couple of months now. “Do you still talk to Bella?”

“Well of course, she’s my best friend.”

I nod and look out the window. That was a weird question to ask, I should’ve not asked it.

“Why do you ask?”

“Ya know, just-”

“Is it because she’s a vampire now?”

The fuck did she just say?

“Woah, give me a minute, man, they told you?!”

“I knew about vampires before she told me, I’m not dumb, those Cullens were too damn weird.”

“I know right?’ I laugh, “they don’t know how to keep appearances at all.”

“Emmet, the beefy one, I saw him being sparkly a bunch of times when we were at school.”

“No!”

“Yeah, and Edward? He once moved across the hall to the speed of light to open the door for Bella.”

“Oh god, did anyone notice?”

“I don’t think so, and even if someone did, I doubt they would bring it up. The Cullens were fucking cryptids and that was just law.”

We make fun of the vampire family for a while. For example, the fact that they are all supposed to be Doctor Cullen’s children and are dating each other. How does that even work, huh? No one even mentions that park, I´m truly concerned about what goes inside these people´s minds.

Angela stops talking out of the blue. She drinks more water and bites her lip. She opens her mouth as if she was going to say something but closes it as if she changed her mind.

“Whatever you were gonna say, spit it.”

“You are something, aren’t you?”

“Something?”

“Yeah, you’re not a vampire, though. I’m sure of that”

“How would you know? Am I not as perfect looking as the vampires?” I ask sarcastically.

“No, no. It’s not that. I’ve touched Bella before and she’s dead cold”

I raise one eyebrow and smirk at her.

_So that’s why she hugged me. That’s sad._

 

“Not like that!” Angela squeals, “don’t you link arms with your friends? Give them hugs?”

I shrugs and proceed to play with a little star toy I just found on the car floor.

“So, what is it?”

“My magic powers?”

“Yeah, your magic powers.”

“I’m surprised Bella has not told you.”

“She respects everyone’s privacy.”

I raise my eyebrow again and say, “guess you can’t say the same about Edward.”

“It’s not his fault he reads minds.”

“Oh, so you also know about that.”

“You would be surprised of all the things I know.”

By this time, we have arrived. The store is of medium size. There is a golden sign that reads _Maggie’s Treasures_ in white letters. Angela does the same as when we got into the car, opens the door for me.

“Friends link arms,” says Angela, offering her own like some type of prince. _Friends._

I consider it for a second but end up doing it. We walk towards the store like that. I am not one to be physically affectionate, or maybe I am. Phasing changed me in many ways, I don’t even remember very well what I used to like. It feels like I lost something, but I can´t figure what is it that I lost. Either way, I’m enjoying being close to Angela. Maybe it is just because it is Angela.

“You have to guess,” I say, we both know what I’m referring to.

“Ooh, like a game show, what’s my prize, Miss Leah?” she responds excited.

“You get to see me another time.”

Angela smiles playfully and we walk into the store. She instantly starts putting on anything she finds; hats, scarves, bracelets, she looks like a scarecrow.

The store is a bit empty. There are a couple people in each section.

“So, we have…Fairies. Are you a fairy, Miss Leah?”

“Cold.”

“A mermaid? Wait no, nevermind, they would’ve cold blooded, so you wouldn’t be able to walk around like that.”

“You didn’t even let me tell you if you were right,”

“Was I right?”

“No.”

Angela puts on a light blue fisher hat. She turns to me and tilts her head as if saying _How do I look?_ I put both my thumbs up, so Angela grabs a shopping cart that’s near her and drops the hat there. She looks at a couple of shirts with words on them but frowns and leaves them.

“I saw a big wolf once; bigger than any wolf I’ve ever seen. I asked Bella about it, once she told me she was a vampire, but she just shrugged it off.”

I don’t answer. How is Angela aware of all these things happening in Forks? Actually, how hasn’t anyone caught up with all the weird shit that always around them? A couple of months ago, a whole vampire/new vampire/werewolf battle occurred in the woods and not one person heard a thing?

A beige, glittery, Hello Kitty shirt distracts catches my eye. It is so cute, it is a child’s shirt so it would either be super tight on me, or a crop top. When did I stop looking at cute things? A lightbulb turns on in my head. Sparkle, glitter, I love it. Fuck those vampires, they don’t appreciate their sparkly gift enough. I adored Hello Kitty. I had a book bag, pencil case, and lunch bag that were Hello Kitty themed. Nostalgia hits me like a motherfucker, I have the urge of curling up, or play tag with my friends. I remember the bliss of being clueless.

I grab the shirt, feeling as if that piece of fabric is marking a new stage in my life, and throw it in the cart. Angela looks at it but says nothing.

There are some beautiful ornaments in the store. A ceramic butterfly the size of my hand reminds me of mom. She would love the colors and the design. Dad loved giving my mom things. We were not rich, but at least once a month he would show up with a small gift for mom.  My mom´s face lit up every time.

“Do you turn into a wolf every new moon?” asks Angela.

“Nah, not only during the night, and definitely not because of the moon.”

She grabs the butterfly and looks at it up closely, “do you want it?”

“For my mom, she would like it.”

“It’s coming with us then.”

Angela tries on a couple of dresses, a lot of jeans, and an ankle length yellow skirt; all of it is modeled to me, which makes me blush inside. She takes almost everything except the skirt because I joked saying that she looked as if she sold seashells by the seashore and she took it seriously.

As we are about to pay, I remember I’m not carrying any money. Shit. I start taking out my two items out of the cart, but Angela stops me by putting her hand on top of mine.

 “It’s ok, I got you. It’s only like, 5 dollars.”

“No, no, I can come back.”

“Dude, chill, you can buy me ice cream next time we go out.”

I frown at Angela, but I let her pay anyway. I am more distracted by the fact she said we will go out again.

 

On the way back, I tap Angela on the shoulder before playfully asking, “and what are you?”

“What am I?”

“Yeah, I am a werewolf, what’s your magicsona?”

She laughs at my joke, which makes me feel powerful, but get serious really quick.

“I know I am…” she breathes out forcefully, “taller than you.”

I gasp and throw the almost empty water bottle at her. The disrespect!

“Stop! We will crash!”

“It’s ok, I can save you with my super strength.”

Angela shares how she’s not going to college this fall, which surprises me. There is something very scholarly about Angela’s personality.

“Would you believe if I tell you that I had a revelation so shocking that I needed a break from life?” she asks.

“My guy, I transformed into a wolf.”

“Oh shit, right.”

“Yeah.”

“I…Well I’m fucking gay.”

I can´t help but letting out a laugh that’s so shrill it hurts my own ears, I cover my mouth quickly, I hope she doesn’t think I am laughing at her, it’s just, the irony of the situation.

 “Do your parents know?”

“I had no choice but to tell them! I broke up with Ben, who they thought I was going to marry, _and_ told them I would take a break before going college. They thought I was on drugs.”

“Are they okay with it?”

“They prefer it more than the drug idea.”

I reach for Angela’s shoulder, surprising myself. Who is this touchy girl? I know it isn’t me. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Leah why are you acting as if I told you I’m going to die?!”

“Well you are the one who set the tone!”

Angela chuckles and slowly blinks at me, like a cat, mouthing _thank you._ I smile back, feeling happy.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this au, vampires pee, because really, they eat but they never get the waste out of their system? Unrealistic. So yeah, they pee blood. Deal with it.

**ANGELA**

“So, you’re not planning on marrying Edward?” I ask. I am lying down on Bella’s bed. She doesn’t need it but bought it for when I come over- which is sweet. She is sitting on top of her wardrobe with her legs crossed. If she stays still, she looks like hyper realistic statue.

“I will marry him,” she answers, “it’s just that, we haven’t had a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship for a while.”

“Sounds like you doubt it will work.”

“Angela, I can, and I WILL spend eternity with his bitch ass, we just haven’t had a normal relationship and I want that.”

“There´s nothing normal about you guys.”

“As normal as it gets. You know, going on a million dates, I want Charlie to actually like him. I mean he knows about vampires now, so he feels better about the whole situation, but still. I want him to greet Edward like ‘my son!’”

That’s sounds so dumb and not like Charlie at all I throw my phone at Bella. She catches it and sticks her tongue out at me. She is breathtaking. The little light that enters the room makes her subtly sparkle like she did a project with glitter and forgot to wash it off. Her eyes glow red, reminding me of their new diet. Most of the Cullens now left the “vegetarian” lifestyle and eat rapists. The idea was pitched by Rosalie.

Right now, Edward is with her and Emmett hunting. They need Edward to make sure they are getting the right person.

What would Leah think of that?

“What´s on your mind?” asks Bella.

She jumps to the ground and lands without making a sound. She sits on the bed and bumps next to me like a penguin to bother me.

Whenever we go out, she keeps up the whole human appearance, but right now she’s rigid and it kind of freaks me out a bit still. I will get used to it eventually.

“I went out with Leah,” I blurt out.

Bella’s eyes open wide and she smiles excitedly.

“Like a date? Like friends?!” she grabs my arm forgetting I am a flower compared to her but lets go quick when she hears me groan.

It wasn’t Bella who first knew I was interested in Leah, it was Edward. He snitched on me and the next day Bella stormed into my house with different ideas on how to ask her out.

“I don’t know I kind of ambushed her, asked her to come with me to buy some clothes.”

“Did you invite her into the changing room, too?”

“Bella!”

My cheeks and neck warm up. I look away because I did think of it.

“I know she’s a werewolf,” I say, hoping it will change the subject. Bella´s eyebrows raise, expecting me to keep talking but before I can speak, I am interrupted by Bree walking into the room.

She is barely inside the room; she stands very still in the doorway. Her eyes glow as red as Bella´s but hers do not look intimidating. She can sparkle all she wants but the caution of her move (or lack of them) reminds me she is a child who was given no choice. My heart drops to my stomach because the urge of holding Bree in my arms and protect her from all danger, even if she is a hundred times stronger than me, washes over me. Her mouth moves but I can’t hear anything. Vampires and their super senses.

“Bree wants to know if she can hang here,” Bella says to me, then looks directly at Bree, “could please speak a bit louder when Angela is here, love? She can´t hear you. And of course, come sit.”

The tenderness of Bella´s voice surprises me and warms me inside even if it was not directed at me. Bree moves so fast I don’t see it happening, and my hair flies as if a current of hair just entered the room. She is now between Bella and I, looking at me with curiosity.

“How are you?” I ask. She is taken aback by me talking, and shrugs.

“I’m good,” her voice so low I barely hear.

Bella is watching this interaction with motherly eyes, as if she was introducing me to her baby.

This is the first time Bree has talked to me since she joined the Cullens. She was almost killed by the Volturi when Victoria created an army of vampires to murder Bella (a bit excessive if you ask me) but Esme convinced them to let her stay with them. Every time I came over Bree hid with Esme like a cat. She probably is painting somewhere in the house or outside.

There is silence until Bella speaks.

“Do you know how fast we can run?”

“I already know how fast you can run.”

“Let me rephrase it, then. Would you like to experience vampire running first-hand?”

“Meaning that…”

“I will carry you.”

“Sure, why not.”

My brain does not even register what happens because I’m already holding onto Bella like a human backpack. She is literally carrying a snack with her.

“Make sure your legs are tight around me, don’t be scared of asphyxiating me, I feel no pain. You’re so light I might not even notice you fell.”

“Thanks, I feel so safe.”

She feels solid and soft at the same time. I don’t know what I expected, definitely not this. Like if I ran into her, I would crack my head open, but right now she’s just skin, muscle and bones. She’s super cold, though. How the fuck did Bella sleep so comfortable next to Edward when she was human? I would’ve kicked him out less than 2 minutes into the cuddling session.

“Race you to the tree where Emmett peed the other day,” says Bella looking at Bree.

Bree giggles a bit and it makes me smile. Then Bella starts running and the world vanishes before my eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**LEAH**

Before the pack, I am faced with something even more complicated: Emily.

My cousin came to my house and found me scrubbing the floor humming some Dolly Parton’s song. We don’t lock the doors, so it doesn’t surprise me when I see her inside the house.

When she sees me, she runs towards me and falls to her knees to hug me which makes me fall back and knock down the bucket with soap water.

She kisses me on the forehead, and that’s nice, but then slaps me across the face. For fuck´s sake just like my mom after dinner because apparently that’s when the rage hit her.

“Oh my god why is everyone slapping me?!”

“I thought you were dead, stupid!”

“Why would I be dead?!”

“You were gone for a month!”

I say nothing, just sigh a little.

“When I heard you were back, I didn’t believe it. You didn’t come to see me.”

“I did not want to face them,” I whisper.

“Then you pick up the goddamn phone and call me!”

Feeling a headache coming, I cover my face with one hand and lie down on the wet floor. This is too much.

“I’m so sorry, Leah. I’m so sorry I’m with Sam. I am so sorry I did this to you. I´m sorry I was so inconsiderate and-”

“Emily.”

“-I didn’t even try to not be with him I-”

“Emily shut up and listen to me.”

My eyes are closed. I don’t want to look at Emily while I speak. It’s just me, surrounded by dirty soap water, now staring at the ceiling. Damn I should grab a duster and clean that, the ceiling looks nasty.

“I don’t care, Emily, I,” sigh, “do not care.”

I try to do a water angel see if it cheers me up, but it feels gross.

“Em, I just realized I’m gay, I’m pretty sure half the pack is not ok with that, I don’t even know if my mom is ok with that. None of this is your fault, not even what happened with Sam. I´m not angry at you, I´m angry with him, not even about dumping me. He was a shit friend. He wasn’t there for me when my dad died and he knew he could help me the most. I am done with them, I don’t want to be part of that group no more.”

Weirdly, I´m not crying. I’m just relieved I said it to someone else. Emily grabs my hand and pulls it, telling me to stand up. She puts her arm around me and even though shes smaller and shorter, I feel protected. She guides me outside, where we sit on the porch. Emily takes her phone out, her arm still around me, making me feel like a kid again in a good way. She calls Sam.

“Hi, my love. Leah is no longer a part of the pack, she’s out,” and she hangs up.

Someone in my chest starts vibrating, then I realize it is me crying. I lay my head down on her lap and start sobbing.

“Thank you,” I whisper. Emily softly pats my head as I hear _sh sh it’s ok._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one from the pack cut their hair when they phased in this au.

**LEAH**

“I win,” I say.

Jacob is breathless and I’m just fine. Of course I’m excellent running in both wolf and human form.

“Yeah, maybe, still, I´m cuter,” he answers.

It’s been a week since I left the pack (or Emily left it for me) and it has been… _something._ There is an emptiness in my mind. It’s true they can only read my thoughts when we are all wolfing around but even then, there was like, a cat in my head. I was never truly alone, there was an aftertaste of voices that were not mine lingering in my brain long after I had transformed back. It’s gone now. I speak and the echo of my thoughts bounces off my cranium.

Emily also tried to _help_ me by breaking up with Sam, which is straight up ridiculous. I had to tell her I was gay. She was shocked, and unexpectedly, it hurt me, a lot.

I have been reading a lot about other people’s experiences, blogs of people’s stories coming out. Most of them horrible, some of them sweet. A lot of them mentioned how their families reacted by saying they knew deep down.

I wanted Emily to laugh at me and tell me to chill, that I should’ve noticed sooner. I wanted her to call me dumb and playfully slap me.

I mean, at least she was not disgusted by it.

She told me Sam told her about it but they both thought it was a misunderstanding. Sam (who clearly _knew_ me better than anyone) was 100% sure I was not a lesbian. _Stupid._

One of these days I will fist fight that bitch.

Jacob sits down and scratches his head. He’s growing up too fast. He’s a child but looks, so old. This Bella situation aged him 5 years.

_Dumb boy, what are you doing falling in love so young?_

_Ha, says me, who basically got engaged freshman year of high school._

His hair is sticking to his face and neck with sweat. I kind of miss being connected to him, I would never tell him that, though, because I would not hear the end of it.

“I apologized to Bella,” he says without looking at me.

“Why? Wasn’t she the one that lead you on and broke your heart?”

“That’s not how it happened.”

“Bitch I could literally read your thoughts.”

“You saw my perception of the situation, what you saw and felt was my own negation of what was happening.”

“And what was happening was…”

“I always knew Edward was her first option. Yes, she loved me, and she wanted to be in love with me, but you can’t force those things,” he sighs and even though he sounds sad, there is something different in his voice, “she needed a friend, and it broke her that I made her choose.”

Two sides of me are fighting right now. This past year, hate became the easiest emotion to feel, so of course when I had someone to direct it to, I took it. I want to still hate her, because it’s the easiest option, but I have to be better, and I only damage myself if I continue to feel that way.

I feel for her. Me and the rest of the pack saw her as a demon who used Jacob until she didn’t need him anymore, when actually, she is just like me.

“Also,” says Jacob, getting my attention, “I’m going to leave the pack.”

Wow wow. Wait. What? Wait.

Wait.

“Bro, where is this coming from?”

“I don’t want to follow anyone’s orders anymore. I didn’t have a choice in phasing, at least I want to have a voice now.”

He has a point there, but I have the urge to defend Sam. He didn’t have a choice either and he had to guide everyone when a shit ton of vampires rained out of the blue. I don’t say this of course, instead I ask, “have you told anyone?”

“No, but no one will be thrilled about it, that’s for sure. The worst is going to be my dad.”

“Why him?”

“He likes that there always someone watching my back.”

“I could watch your back.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“It’s not a joke.”

He finally looks up, and for a moment he looks relieved. Then he seems to sink into himself. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to deal with sad people.

_What would Angela do?_

I remember how she hugged me and made me feel welcomed. I can’t hug Jacob without looking condescending, so I pat his back a couple of times, trying to convey the Angela in me.

Right before things get awkward and we both forget how to act like people, I smell something. Jacob does, too.

_Vampire._

It’s a somehow familiar scent, but I don’t recognize it, so I don’t let my guard down. Jaco jumps to his feet and we both stare at the point in between the trees where the smell comes from.

A girl walks into view, her eyes wide like a baby, bright red. It’s the new Cullen girl, Bree. She stares at us and I immediately feel ready to fight anyone for her. It’s weird because I am not usually eager to defend leeches, but the feeling in me overpowers my surprise.

 She is so young; she should not be carrying the burden of immortality in her shoulders. Her clothes are really dirty, as if she forgot that even though she does not sweat, she is not immune to dirt and needs to change every once in a while.

Jake smiles at her the way Angela hugged me.

“Hi, Bree, how are you?”

She shrugs and shakes her head as if saying _it is what it is._ I wave at her and she nods. I don’t want her to be alone, something tells me she has been wandering for a while.

“Do you want to join us?” asks Jake, reading my mind.

“We are stargazing and being sad about life together,” I add.

Bree smiles a little and nods again. Jake lies down first, then I do it. Bree just drops on the ground and our surroundings shake a little. She could snap my neck right now if she wanted.

Jake tells a couple stories but eventually we just enjoy the song of the cicadas in the trees, the crickets and a million bugs throwing a concert that never stops in the summer. We watch the sun rise.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**ANGELA**

I don’t know where Leah is taking me. I know we are in the woods, but I don’t know what exactly are we going doing.

I don’t usually go on walks around here, not even under peer pressure when Jessica would call me a pussy for not going ghost hunting with them (and I’m so easily convinced, man). It is a dark place where anyone could get lost easily. Literal horror movie setting. I’d rather be boring than stupid, Mike has enough of the latter.

I walk behind Leah, who’s wearing the shirt we bought at Maggie’s Treasures; her stomach is showing. She looks so cute. I try not to stare because it’s rude, but my eyes betray me and wander down her legs that look like they could kick down a tree. The thought of her ankles makes me blush for some reason. It’s jut that the part where her foot meets her leg goes all the way up to the back of her knee and it’s just like a rollercoaster except it’s all skin and

_Oh man_

What am I, a virgin?

“Enjoying the view?”

I look up. Fuck. How long have I been staring?

“Nah.”

Why did I say that?

Leah arches her eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. She keeps walking.

Should I have said yes? Why am I so out of it today? I’m supposed to be _suave._  Ever since I talked to Bella about Leah, I’m afraid Bree listened, and Edward read her mind and told Jacob who ended up telling Leah.

I don’t want her to think I’m a creep.

_Aren’t you though?_

No, I think.

When I saw her in the party the Cullens threw in senior year, I was interested, but that was about it. I was with Ben and did not understand what was it that I felt that made me feel giggly when I saw her.

 Forks is so little, yet I didn’t see her again after that.

Three weeks ago, though, the universe brought her back to me. I went surfing with Jessica one last time before she left for college (which is too early to leave but she found an apartment and wanted to get used to her new city).

I saw Leah, and this time everything was different, so of course I bombarded Bella with questions about her and prepared myself to talk to her if I ever got the chance.

“We are here,” says Leah. There is a mosquito bite on her cheek that´s already irritated from her scratching it.

We walk into a forest glade, or at least I don’t know how else to describe it. There is a waterfall well into the opening, greenish blue and glistening thanks to the sunrays, making the place look brighter, almost angelic. The sight of everything, all these colors fill my eyes and there is something about this moment that feels deeply intimate.

 “Wanna swim?” asks Leah .

“Are we allowed?”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, is it legal?”

Leah scoffs, “you’re ridiculous, come on.”

She starts walking towards the waterfall and of course I follow her. Once we are close enough to feel the mist sprayed on my skin, she smiles and takes off her shirt, which makes me take a step back faster than if she had slapped me. Then she takes off both her shoes and socks and jumps into the water.

The water splashes me, and its so cold and refreshing that I quickly take off my clothes and join her.

It’s not too deep; the water reaches my chest when I stand so I think Leah is standing in her toes to keep all her head out.

I fool around for a bit; hearing the waterfall makes me sleepy, so I stop swimming and let my body float. I forget about my companion for a second.

It’s Wednesday, dad will be with his friends having some “man time,” mom will get home at 10, and the twins are already there, probably playing wii since they don’t want to pick a damn book up.

Also, Ben, oh poor Ben. He must be packing everything he considers necessary, meaning that he will take all his underwear but only 5 shirts and maybe 2 pair of pants. He was convinced I was gay because of him, even after I explained how it didn’t have anything to do with him, I saw in his face some guilt.

I’m trying to empathize; how would I feel if I thought I was so bad at sex I made someone gay?

I can’t, it is too ridiculous.

I couldn’t just break up with him via phone call, so I told him to come see me at my house since I didn’t have the car. He thought he was getting some, which made the situation awkward.

As soon as he got there, he took off his shirt and started kissing me intensely without even asking if my siblings were there (we hadn’t fucked in a couple weeks). I mean that one was on me, he only ever came to my house to have sex.

It’s hard to break up with your boyfriend when he’s got a boner.

I don’t think he was in love with me. Our dating was circumstantial. Small high school, similar interests.

_He made plans to go to the same college as you, though._

“Sam and I used to come here all the time,” I hear. I look at Leah; she’s occasionally blowing bubbles in the water.

“Who’s Sam?”

“My ex fiancé.”

Oh.

I mean, it is a romantic place, makes sense. I feel a bit inadequate, being here.

“What happened between you guys?” I ask, getting a bit closer since the noise around us doesn’t let me hear her well.

“A wolf thing, literally. There’s this thing, called imprinting. Apparently when you imprint on someone, your whole worldview changes. They have the spotlight of your life, you become anything they need.”

“That’s horrifying!”

“Well, you are the first person that says it aloud, it’s not romantic because there isn’t…”

“Any free will,” we say at the same time.

“Yeah,” says Leah, “Sam didn’t have a choice, when he phased, he imprinted on my cousin, and things were done, just like that.”

“Your cousin? Oh, brother,” maybe that’s not what you say to someone when they tell you stuff like that, “I’m sorry.”

“What you saying sorry for? It’s not your fault, and it was for the better, I would’ve married the guy and never found out I’m gay.”

She plays it off as a joke, but I see some hurt still, maybe not from a heartbreak, but from rejection. No one likes being rejected, and I bet for her it felt like a betrayal. From both Sam and her cousin.

I feel the need to hug her or say something that will sound genuine, but I don’t know what to do.

“Well my ex thinks his dick turned me gay.”

Why did I say that?

Leah looks at me, kind of confused, kind of serious.

“Well, did it?”

“Um, I don’t think, but who’s to say, ya know?”

She giggles a bit at my response, and that’s enough to ease the tension.

We both show each other our handstands underwater (I get an almost worrying quantity of water in my lungs). Leah tells me about her experience in school and how the government is always trying to fuck them over- standard American shit, - and only when the sky starts getting orange we get out.

-Angela.

-Yes?

-We didn’t bring any towels.


	8. Chapter 8

  **LEAH**

I got this book from the library about the war between the US and Iraq, I was interested about how this country’s history in fucking everyone up. Apparently, they are not only fucking us up, they are also going hard at the rest of the world! Huh, who would’ve guessed? But this book is too goddamn boring, clearly written by some man who had a hard on for WWII, so I keep dozing off (which I shouldn’t do because I’m kind sitting on a tree branch, kind of far from the ground.) Perhaps I should ask Angela to take me to a bookstore in some other town where they have more variety.

I hear some leaves rustle and then the smell hits me, before I can react, Bella Swan is standing next to me.

“Hi Leah.”

“Hi.”

She’s smiling at me, with a confidence that I don’t remember her having as a human. She’s wearing sweatpants that have been dragged through mud, dirt, and God knows what else. I don’t think they have dried completely because the rancid smell of rotting cloth is there. When will this family take a collective shower? I bet the doctor is clean only because he would be kicked out of the hospital otherwise.

“Nice outfit,” I comment.

Her shirt says _burn it to the ground,_ and has an American flag, well, burning. If it wasn’t so nasty, I would steal it from her.

“Thanks, man, I have been wearing it for a week and a half now.”

I don´t know why she is here, maybe she thinks that because Angela is my friend, we need to be friends. Oh, she definitely thinks that. She’s staring at me with those chili pepper eyes. No one says anything. Is she going to eat me?

“I wanted to apologize.”

What?

“As you should. Why though?”

“It’s weird but, my memories as a human are way brighter now, I can feel my dad´s kisses in my forehead from when I was a child. I remember my thoughts!”

“That’s cute, but what does that have to do with me?”

“I remember everything now, every detail. And the Cullens, I’m referring specifically to Alice, she was so mean to all of you, even after you helped us with the newborns.”

“Are you implying that it was ok of her to be mean before that?”

She looks distressed

“Oh god no, I mea-”

“I am just fucking with you, I know. Continue.”

“All her snarky comments, it was so fucking racist. You know, because you’re Native.”

“Really? I am? I haven’t noticed.”

She laughs a bit but goes back to her point, “I am sorry Jake got involved in that situation, I’m sorry I hurt him.”

“That’s between you and him.”

“Except it isn’t, I know you felt everything he felt, and I know you love him.”

Bella sits down next to me. Not too close. I will allow it, for now.

“And, I know everything that happened with Sam. That was so ugly. Even worse the way the pack treated you.”

“Jacob told you the gossip?”

“Yeah, he felt bad and couldn’t really share with anyone else.”

We’ve never talked this much. She reminds me a bit of Emily, but to be fair anyone with an upbeat personality reminds me of Emily. In my mind, Bella is a result of Jake´s loving gaze of her, my three seconds of knowing her before vampire attacked us, and that one time I saw her running through the woods. I don’t really know who she is, at least not by my own.

“How come you came to apologize on her behalf?”

“I am not apologizing on her behalf; I am apologizing for associating with someone who thinks like that.”

“Thinks like that? So, she still does.”

“Yeah, fucked up. She’s a smart girl, though, she will see the light,” she then smiles, she doesn’t have, fangs, which I already knew but it’s kind of a bummer, “and I ripped her arm out.”

“You did what?”

She giggles like she just told a joke.

Not gonna lie, it does create a funny image. It’s not like it really hurts them anyway.

“Did she get mad?”

“Oh, so furious. She hasn’t spoken to me since. She was being such an asshole though. She had it coming. To be fair, I didn’t expect her arm to do that, I´m still getting used to this Captain America strength.”

“Doesn’t she see the future? How come she didn’t see it coming?”

“I know! Jasper told me she saw it but didn’t actually expect it to happen. After all, the future can be changed.”

_The future can be changed._

It’s always breezy when you are deep in the woods. It’s ridiculous to me, this situation. A vampire and a werewolf talking to each other. This is what I wrote as a child, when I dreamed of monsters and magic beings. It’s truly a waste than vampires don’t have fangs. That was their most appealing characteristic. They got colored contacts instead.

“So, are you going to marry Cullen?” I ask, to both break the ice and because I am curious. She seems a bit surprised by my question.

“Not now, and it doesn’t really matter. We got plenty of time.”

Still, she´s got a ring on her left hand.

I really wanted one a couple of years ago. Emily is the one who got one from him.

“You are Angela´s friend now?” Bella asks, in a tone that I don’t like.

“Yeah, she’s sweet.”

“Mhhm.”

I also don’t like her smirk. She looks like she knows something that I don’t. Of course she does her boyfriend is a fucking mind reader.

Her smile changes. It’s softer now, sweet.

“I want to be friends, Leah.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah, friends.”

“No.”

Her expression falls flat. She did not expect that.

“No,” I repeat, “I can´t be friends with someone,” then I smile, “who chose Edward’s pasty ass over Jacob.”

“Oh my god,” and she pushes off the tree.

“I really thought you meant that!”

I can´t answer because I´m too busy laughing.

“It’s not funny!”

“Yes, it is.”

She jumps down, holding my book. Oh, so she caught that but not me? She reads the cover and scoffs.

“This one is not good; I’ll give you some that are actually easy to follow. The people that wrote this wrote them so that people won’t read them.”

She offers me her hand, and as I accept it, it feels like a truce. I’m accepting her apology, her friendship, and her vampire stupidity.

“And yeah, I chose Edward, like a white man’s whore.”

“No, no, you don’t get to say that. You are just a _white whore.”_

Her mouth falls open in funny surprise.

“Is this what friendship with you is? Bullying 24/7?”

“You are friends with Jacob, you should know by now.”

Some door in my heart opens. I feel bubbly and giggly. My life is slowly filling with love and endearment. Maybe it was always like this. I take the wheel back, from whatever miserable force that was controlling it.

This is An experience. Perhaps that’s why I get close to Bella and lock arms with her, not feeling bothered by her cold skin and I say “Come on, let´s walk.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit verse-like, if that makes sense. If it doesnt, i dont know what to tell you

** ANGELA **

I am so fucking nervous. She brought me out here where the sky is looking at me with judgmental eyes, I’m grinding my teeth and I’m trembling. I’m a mess. Bella told me  Leah  likes me. Well, still ,  what if she doesn’t. 

I rub the fabric of my  swe ater between my fingers and I  look directly at Leah. She’s staring up. We are really close, mostly because  she’s a human heater but also  because 

_ I don’t know I don’t know  _

We are sitting on a blanket she brought ; she also brought water and snacks, but that is usual . I don’t really know why we are here. She just told me she wanted to go out, right now, at midnight. I was sleeping, she texted me to come outside, where she was waiting for me.

Leah suddenly jumps (startling  me) but  it’s only because there is a bug on her leg.

“Bro h ow do you spend so much time out here and still get freaked out by them?” I ask, and I sound so sure and chill,  you wouldn’t think I’m about to  pass out.  I really don’t know how I do it.

We have been out so many times.  W e had dinner with her mom, I met her cousin, Emily (really nice girl, we got each other’s numbers and we’ve been texting for a bit now ), we  have been in the woods so many times. 

My stomach is turning around in circles. 

_ Breathe. _

“Bugs are gross, Angela.”

I feel stupid.

Stupid.

Do I even like her? Ok ,  no ,  that’s not an actual question. I like her but ,  how, how long have we known each other? Is it possible for me to feel like this? Is it  _ logical  _ to feel like this ?

Maybe a month,  almost two months .

I like her so much.

She  gets rid of the bug and gets  close to me  again.  I’m  shaking. 

“Are you ok?” she asks.

I want to ask so many things. What if I ’ m just imagining her liking me? What if she didn’t mean to put her hand on my lower back when we walked around? What if she didn’t actually stare at me as much as I thought she did? What if she doesn’t really like me that way?

 I was tempted to ask Edward but, that would be such a violation  of privacy . No amount of despair would make me push anyone’s boundaries that way.

I let my hair down, because the pull of  the  ponytail  is giving me a headache, or maybe it’s just the stress. Why am I so stressed? 

There is just something…Different about tonight, something different about her, something almost solemn.  Something is happening and neither of us know what it is.

She  puts her hand in my thigh and I freeze.

_ Ohmygod _

I can’t think about anything but  the warmth of her skin.  I think  of  her during the winter .  Sun so hot it me it melts the snow.

_ Her hand on my thi _ _ gh. _

Her fingers are tracing things I can´t quite figure out because I have lit up from the  place  she’s touching me right into my lower belly.

I’m waiting for something; she also is .

S o ,  I wait .

and I wait 

but we just stay there,

her hand on my thigh, my  pulse  on my cheeks. 

I  don’t know what to do, so I  look directly at her, so that she will look at me.

_ Say something anything _ _. _

She looks at me, looks at my lips, looks me in the eyes

No one moves .

I  am a human earthquake .

So ,  I kiss her for fuck’s sake.

I cup her face with both my hands and I kind of miss. Half my lips are on hers and the other are on her cheek. I peck her on the lips  again , this time correctl y. Just to try it, just a taste.  I move a bit back to look at her face.

Her eyes are closed, her lips pouting .

I kiss her again .

I kiss her because she wasn’t going to take  the  initiative. We would have sat here all night, with her hand on my thigh, until I eventually combusted and died.

I  feel ,

_  violentstrongfilledwithsomethingthat’srunningthoughteverypartofmybody _

I suck on her lower lip and she opens her mouth ;  I feel thirsty, incomplete. I’m never going to get enough of this. 

Her hand, formerly on my thigh, moves all the way up to my waist, caressing my skin, making me feel as if there was electricity on her fingertips . 

I have never enjoyed kissing this much. I try to be as close to her as possible,  my right arm is around her back, bringing her to me. I don´t stop there, though; I am constantly moving like I´m running on nuclear power.

But maybe I shouldn't be going this fast.

I stop.

Our foreheads  are  touching, her skin so hot I feel feverish. My heart is going to jump out of my ribcage, my hands rest on her collarbones  now , scared of touching more, containing myself to just me. I’ve never felt this powerful.

I look a t  her and she smiles

_ Smiles smiles smiles  _

My legs are around her waist. Her hand moved just a little, touching my back, feeling my spine. It feels so good, just to be  touched, I  love being touched. I want her to touch me forever. To touch my face my cheeks my hands my thighs my back my shoulders 

    every inch of skin 

it’s never enough .

I caress the back of her head, coiling  her hair around my fingers , where her neck meets her cranium, and kiss her nose softly. She chuckles and leaves kisses all over my cheeks. It’s when she starts kissing my neck that I get scared and hold on to her hair tighter.

_ Scared  _ _ of  _ _ what _ _? _

I don’t know, there’s something in me  that hears my mom´s voice, someone still ashamed of feeling sexual desire, someone  who was raised to not give it up so soon, oh my mom, she always based our worth on our virginities. Her grandma and her grandma ’ s grandma and every woman in our family and in the neighborhood  back in  Sinchal ,  just making sure you don’t give it away to a guy who isn’t your husband. What would they say about this? I haven't even kissed Leah before today.  Ha, they wouldn’t even be able to picture something like Leah and me happening.

I forget about it, though, because her hands sneak under my sweater, touching as much as my skin can give.  Her lips  on my neck get my blood  going , I palpitate. My pulse has never been faster.

_ Fuck it _ _. _ __

Why can ´ t I have sex tonight?

Who will stop me? I will certainly not stop myself . T hat, I am sure of.

Why can ´ t I kiss every inch of this goddess of a woman and remember it for the rest do my life? 

I think I fully and enthusiastically give in once I let go of my voice and moan once I grind against  her . No one will hear me. 

I pull  up  her shirt but she stops me .

“ Is  this ok?”  she asks, grabbing my chin , making me look at her. 

“ This  is the most ok .”

“I don’t think that’s how you say it” she whispers  where she has moved to,  behind my ear, where  I’m  pretty sure will be purple tomorrow. 

I am so alive .

I take off her shirt, melting as I touch every muscle, feeling her strength as my own. Her sports bra is kind of  tight ,  so the mood is cut off by her awkwardly getting it off.

“I didn’t see you as one to buy from  Victoria’s  secret” I mention .

“ My  mom loves it . ”

“That seems accurate.”

She throws it where her bag is,  and  I take in everything my foggy glasses can get.  I could and should take them off, but I don’t want to miss anything.

This time she starts it, slowly but firmly kissing me. Licking my lips and holding the back of my neck in a gentle way that makes me wonder how, if she doesn’t want to date me, if she doesn’t want to do this every night, I will be fucked because this is my new wish: for her to hold my neck like this and to kiss me like that.

I push her a little only so I can hide my face in the hole of her neck, I breathe in and lick right where I feel her pulse, trailing all the way down to her chest. It is as if we both have been thinking of  things  to do to each other, and we are trying to do it a ll at once.

I hold one of her breasts with my hand,  and my mouth on the other. Sucking and licking her nipple until I hear gasps coming out of her mouth . 

I want all the time  I can get;  I want to have it all at my disposition to enjoy every part of Leah. I want more mouths and more hands to feel her up until we’re exhausted. 

She grabs my face, pulls me up and the way her lips meet mine is so hungry that it feels just a bit like a fight.  One of her hands goes under my sweater and holds one of my tits.  I enjoy my time licking her mouth, not noticing she’s lying me down on the blanket.  That´s how deep into my senses I am.

Her tongue tastes my neck, kisses my chest over the sweater that I don’t know why hasn’t been removed  yet , the zipper of my pants is her goal.  She kisses my stomach and keeps going down.

I  gasp as she  kisses the inside of my thigh while touching  me right  _ there _ . Just  light  touches,  tracing figures that should not make me feel like  I  do right now,  I want to rip both out clothes off as fast as possible

She takes her  time ;  I see her smile.

She gently pushes  me  towards the blanket.

“Lie down,” she whispers, “relax. I got you.”

Once my pants are off ,  she kisses me over my underwear. Cast kisses from my pubic area until deep in between my thighs. I gasp and gasp and gasp until she takes off my underwear and goes right at  my clit  with her tongue because I straight up screech. She laughs against my pussy and I feel my face getting  che r ry r ed.

“ It’s not funny,” I say.

“ You’re  right ,  it’s hilarious . ”

She doesn’t let me feel shameful for long because I am a peach and she’s devouring me. Her hands are holding on to my hips. I feel as if I’m in a room where she’s a gigantic magnet and I am pure metal. As I get closer to come, the more her pull is dragging me  near her ; I feel waves traveling from where her tongue meets my skin, all the way down to my feet, and all the way up to my scalp.  There is a sensation I can´t describe, something washing over my head, then my neck. It goes all the way down my body and it starts again.

My eyes are wide open,  I cling to the blanket as I stare at the  sky  feeling so euphoric  I -

A sudden and light pain hits me. Did…did she just slap my thigh?

“Leah what the fuck?”

“There was a mosquito,” she answers. I  rest on  my elbows so that I can look at her. Her hand is up, palm facing me with blood and a squashed mosquito on it. 

“Eww!”

She laughs ,  goes to her purse and get a wet wipe to clean her hand. The mood has been killed by  Dracula  over there. It’s fine. 

“I don’t think we should continue to do this out here,” Leah says, using a new wet wipe to clean my thigh. 

“ Oh ,  you think so?”

She smiles , then places a kiss right next to my belly button.  Someone cleaning mosquito blood off me has never been something I would co nsider erotic. 

Leah kisses my cheek , softly, then says “come on angel, let’s get you dressed.”

And romantic. 

Erotic and romantic.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are safe and ok give this whole corona situation. Remember to be as clean as possible.  
> (Sorry it took months to post a chapter, that's on me being dumb)

**LEAH**

Angela and I have been going at it like we are 15 and just discovered sex.   

_We kind of did, though._  

Today is the first day we are going out and the plans do NOT include anything sexual. She is taking me to Port Angeles to buy books, (well she is buying it for me, she still has an allowance), because there is just so much you can do in Forks.

I am sitting on my porch; she’s going to pull up at any minute. I try to contain my excitement. My mom does not work during the summer, so she’s here, and she will see me giggling and will ask questions.

She is fine with the gay part, but I do not want to deal with the teasing just yet. I mean she definitely is suspicious of this new friend that has me waiting for her with one hand on my cheek.

Back to what I was thinking: Angela.

_Angela angela angela angela_

After the mosquito incident, I walked her home, with my arm around her waist the entire time. When I got to my place, I could not stop thinking about her. I stayed up all night, I did not even feel tired. I rolled around my bed, could not take her lips off my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I heard her heavy breathing, I remembered her touch. I have never been kissed like that. I have never been touched with such passion. I never thought sex could be like this.

So, I stayed up, horny as ever, waited until 10 am and texted her.

She told me her whole family was going out to eat breakfast, but she stayed home. I ran all the way to her house and when she opened the door, I noticed we both shared the same bags under our eyes.

We stared at each other for a second, I felt a bit ashamed. I wanted to reach out to her, kiss her neck, but I stayed still.

“You know, when cats are in heat, they forget to eat, and barely sleep. They just spend the whole time yelling for a mate,” she says, which makes me snort.

“Are you comparing us to cats?” I ask. She looks at the floor, embarrassed.

“That did not come out the way I expected it.”

I stepped closer to her.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” I said.

“Me neither.”

Once again, my dear Angela did the first move and put her arms around my waist, bringing me closer, kissing me with an open mouth. We fucked that day, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one.

 I am so happy she made the first move and kissed me (is it the first move if I put my hand on her thigh first?) (I mean that did take a lot of courage); I didn’t expect to go so fast, but I am glad it did.

The past two weeks old hickeys kept being replaced by new ones. At some point it felt like I had memorized Angela’s body. Not going to lie I forgot how tiring sex was, I did not have the energy to clean the house the days I had to. It was never like this with Sam, though. We did it 4 times tops, at a time. Now? My body feels as tired as I used to when I ran back in high school.

I see Angela’s car approaching and I jump to my feet, except her mom is driving and Angela is giving me one of those smiles like _oh oh._

She kisses her mom on the cheek, gets off the car, and her mom drives off. Bye, car.

As she walks toward me, I try not to smile too much, my mom could be watching.

“Hi,” she says softly.

“Hi.”

She puts her arm around me and guides me away from my house.

“Was that our ride?”

“Hmmm.”

“How are we moving then?”

“You are not going to like it.”

 

 

I indeed do not like it.

We stand in front of the Cullen’s house, or mansion. These motherfuckers are loaded. I mean, if I could eternally live, yeah of course I will eventually be rich, money just keeps coming at you and you don’t need to buy groceries when everyone around you is a capri sun.

Rosalie and Emmett appear in front of us. The former nods at me with a polite smile and Emmet just straight up gives me a high five that could break a human’s bone. Both of them hug Angela.

“Bella isn’t here,” says Rosalie. It doesn’t sound rude, she’s just stating a fact.

Angela looks at me panicked. Oh god.

“You didn’t call her before we came?”

“She’s immortal, how am I supposed to know she does things?!” she answers, to which Emmett laughs.

“Did you expect her to just be in the house 24/7?”

“That’s what Esme does!” she whispers.

“She and Edward are on a sex rampage somewhere, I don’t know,” Emmett says, “what do you need though, maybe I can help.”

“Unless she wants her company, in that case you can’t,” adds Rosalie.

“I do an excellent Bella impression,” then he slouches a little and puts his hands in his pockets “I do whatever the fuck I want Edward,” he says with a higher pitched voice.

Angela and Rosalie laugh, Rosalie actually claps. “It’s true she does that!”

It’s weird seeing them like this. I’ve only hanged out with Bella (the time when the newborn vampires where coming at us do not count) so I did not expect them to be so, well, normal.

“Anyway, what do you need?”

“We wanted her to lend us her car for a couple of hours,” I say.

“You can use mine” answers Rosalie instantly, which surprises me because I wasn’t really sure if she liked me. This doesn’t prove anything either, except that she is nice.

“Can I come?” says someone behind me, making me jump.

It’s Bree, with…A cat?

“How did you run so fast with that animal” is the first thing I say.

“He doesn’t mind.”

I look at the cat, white, orange, and his nose is black. That poor animal. He yawns.

“Is he coming with us?”

Bree shrugs and lets the cat jump off her, just to happily walk towards Emmett.

“Of course, you can come,” says Angela, “and thank you Rose, you really didn’t have to.”

“It’s ok, I can literally run anywhere, the car is useless to me.”

“Damn, if it's so useless then give one to me,” I whisper, but of course they can hear me. Emmett laughs, then grabs the cat delicately, which is really funny because he is super buff.

 

Angela is driving. I am not scared of Rosalie, but I kind of am. Of course, I would never tell her that so I will never think of anything remotely close to that thought when Edward is around. Angela has told me about how much she loves her car. Bree is in the back seat, both her arms against our seats. Angela is playing ABBA from her phone; Bree is nodding to the rhythm.

“I don’t know how to feel normal anymore,” says Bree out of the blue.

I look back at her, she looks so sad.

“Is that why you wanted to come with us?” I ask, “you needed to talk?”

She nods. I stare at Angela from the corner of my eye, she is doing the same. I wonder why this girl decided that she could trust us.

Bree does not talk instantly, it takes her a while to gather her thoughts. While she does that, I try to prepare myself for whatever is coming. I don’t want to not know what to say.

“My dad was so mean, so, so mean,” she’s looking at her hands, “I always wondered ‘when will this get better? When will I live a life worth living?’ And then I died. I am dead now and I am stuck at being 15 and I will never look older than this, I will never feel older than this. I can’t enjoy this new existence no matter how good it is because I feel so alone, and I am stuck forever.”

She is crying, blood tears roll down her eyes, it is one of those hopeless cries, no sobbing, just renounce.

I offer her my hand, she takes it. She is so cold compared to me, I wish I could give her some of my heat, I wish I could make her feel a bit alive.

“What do you think makes a good life, besides being alive?” asks Angela. She tries to move the hand she is using for the stick (to hold Bree’s hand I assume) but decides that that would not be safe since she does need it to drive. It’s ok I got this.

“I don’t know,” she whispers, “I never had the chance to enjoy things.”

“We start now, then.”

 

Angela and I agree without talking that we will make Bree have the time of her life. Something clicked in us. We were 15 too, not too long ago, and it can be so lonely. And that is just when you are not going through some vampire war and being almost executed. We buy her a lot of clothes (well, she buys them with the credit card Carlisle gave her) but we do help her choose. She buys a lot of flannel for Bella, and a couple of plants for Esme. She buys me books, too, which is really sweet of her.

All the time we spend in the mall, I never take my arm off Bree. I have adopted her as my sister, I don’t want her to ever feel like she has no one. Maybe this is how having a pack should actually feel like, it is meant to be a family. Well, I will make my family, I don’t need some unwanted bond.

We get ice cream, even though Bree wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.

“I just think it’s hilarious how this cone and I are the same temperature,” is what she says. She eats it and seems that it tastes just fine to her. Wait, can vampires actually eat human food? Have I been lied to?

Angela needs to use the bathroom so we all go and wait for her near the sinks. Bree stares at her reflection, I’m assuming surprised that she can actually see herself. How much of the legends is right? I wonder if I can throw a cross at Edward to stop from reading my thoughts.

“You don’t know me, Bree,” I say, she stares at me, looking a bit confused and stressed, “why did you decide to pour your heart out to me? Why not Bella, or Rosalie, or Esme?”

She leans in closer to whisper “I heard Edward and Bella talk about you, I heard what happened in the pack, I heard about your dad. I knew you would understand. You know about loss.”

“So do they”

“How do I complain to them about the biggest blessing I was ever given? They took a chance on me, Leah, the Volturi were going to kill me, and the Cullens decided they would take me as their family, as their _daughter._ How do I tell them I’m miserable?”

“Have you met Edward?”

“What?”

“He was a whiny mess for like, a century, Bree, don’t worry, you can’t be worse than him.”

I see she tries not to smile.

“Either way,” I continue, they love you, and they would never judge you. But still, if you feel like you can’t talk to them, you can always come to me. You know where I live, just pull up and I will listen.”

“I don’t know where you live.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

She smiles, and then Angela walks out of the stall.

 


End file.
